Category Archives: Uncategorized

This Isn’t The Site You’re Looking For


Consider this your ‘404’ page.

Unfortunately this blog has fallen into the abyss that is a full-time career in advertising. Feel free to plough on and read the thoughts from someone younger and slightly less wiser below, but be aware a lot of things have changed since 2012.

I’m working on a new personal site, but for now, take a look at some of the words I write for a living here;

Thanks for the visit, even if it was fleeting.



. . . . .













Girls With Balls.

Note to self;

Never look at The Best Of D&AD New Blood again.

It’ll make you feel worthless.

Source; – An incredibly good creative team.

K-Swiss – Kenny Powers MFCEO

In the battle of fantasy CEOs/Brand Salesman, who wins?

It’s old stick yes, but it appears K-Swiss are the next brand to be taking over the advertising world with a rather crude 5 minute slot promoting their new range of trainers, headed up by the fictional Kenny Powers. It’s a crossover that no one saw coming, but equally one that’s part of a trend at this moment in time; Over the top, ‘that would never happen in real life’ nonsense.

Beware, don’t watch this on loud, there’s f-bombs galore!

Shorter teaser version;

Now I bet you can work out what the ‘MF’ stands for in MFCEO.

In a world filled with fake crossover characters (Hey Old Spice guy. How’s it going Kevin Butler) Kenny Powers has to be the strangest. A character from a TV show, using his on screen character to sell trainers. It’s clever yes, using an already established TV character to sell your product in the way he knows best, but it’s hardly original. I’ll still remember Kevin Butler turning up in character at the E3 expo, in the middle of a Jack Tretton speech, and taking over the entire presentation to the whoops and hollers of a filled auditorium.

Originality out of the window, it’s a brave step for K-Swiss, and a definite shot at the already established target audience of the show Eastbound & Down. Talk about narrowing it down a little! I had no idea the show existed before seeing this advertisement, and unfortunately, it appears I’ll probably like it.

Kenny Powers can be considered as the worst kind of human being, so why on earth would K-Swiss want him to advertise their product? Would the outcome have been any different if it was Danny McBride as himself? Rather than in the shoes of an awful, yet fictional, human being?

Sure, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that being rude, crude, obnoxious, and generally a bit of a dick makes you quite likeable, but what makes us love an anti-hero? Is it the fact that they get away with saying what ever the hell they want? They can make that awful joke without having to look over their shoulder because they really don’t care? Is it the fact that they can be mean to people and not care at all? How does this relate to selling a product?

Obviously the folks at K-Swiss have toned down the Kenny Powers character by a great deal. Yes, he swears, leers and women, swears, makes crude references, and of course, swears again, but in the TV show, he’s about 100 times worse;

An easy decision to make? Of course.

You see, in the advert he’s actually rather likeable. He’s the douche that creates something brilliant, and markets something in the way the 18-25 year old audience, fans of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and It’s Always Sunny, would love to see, and more importantly, love to do. Who doesn’t want to be the guy with unlimited money and a dream? In the TV show however, he’s an utter blight on humanity.

It’s a brave idea, and an obvious online-only short, but it has the possibility to blow up in K-Swiss’ face. While it stands as a prime example of oblique advertising, there’s always the chance it could go very, very wrong. When a brand puts their name to someone so crude, how long will it be before a young mother sees the video, and shows it to the tabloids? What will the shareholders think of your “super cool” and “subversive teen only” advertising campaign then? There will be a fall guy, and it certainly won’t be Kenny Powers. In the mean time, pretend to be that 18 year old boy again. Enjoy the over the top childish stupidity as much as you can without fear of reprisal. I don’t expect it to be around for ever.

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Back To The Future Of Comedy

So sleepy. Entry doesn’t count, but at least it’s on time. Not stressed at all any more, but I just need to have a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow will be better (probably) In the mean time, here’s a funny song from Biff. That’s right, the guy from Back To The Future.

Enjoyable? Yes.

Blogs Are Good For One Thing

Stuff like this; Chicks With Steve Buschemeyes

And this; Nic Cage As Everyone Else

I jest, of course they’re good for other things, but seriously internet, you never cease to amaze me.

If God Made Rice Krispie Cakes

Today Victoria and I hosted a small dinner party for two of our friends. We had tomato topped bruschetta for starters, a make your own pizza competition (which I won), and followed it up with a favourite of mine, rice krispie cakes. Now these were no ordinary rice krispie treats. These were the best rice krispie treats I’ve ever done eaten. If you follow this poorly written guide, you too can eat like a true rice krispie cake connoisseur.

Here’s what you’ll need to feed about four people, with enough left over for work the next day;

Five Mars Bars
Quarter Pint Of Whole Milk
One Box Of Rice Krispies
1 – 2 Litres Of Boiling Water
A Big Mixing Bowl
A Small Ceramic Bowl
A Saucepan
A Large, Moderately Sharp Knife
A Wooden Spoon
Paper Cake Trays Galore.

Step One.
Unwrap your Mars bars, and cut each one length ways into three strips. Chop these strips into small rectangles. Add all of this to the large ceramic bowl.

Step Two.
Boil your water, add it to a saucepan, and heat it on the hob until it begins to simmer away nicely.

Step Three.

Place your ceramic bowl filled with Mars bar chunks on top of the saucepan of boiling water. Make sure it isn’t actually touching the water, as this could end in a burnt mess.

Step Four.
Stir your Mars bar chunks constantly, and watch in amazement as they begin to melt. Add a small dash of milk, and stir until it becomes the colour of chocolate. Add more milk when this happens, and continue to stir.

Step Five.

As the Mars bar chunks heat up, the chocolate will begin to melt, followed by the caramel, and finally, the nougat. You need to keep on adding splashes of milk around every minute or so until you’ve used your full quarter pint.

Step Six.
Stir the now melted Mars bars quite vigorously making sure you flatten any lumps left in the mixture. This also stops the goop from sticking to the bottom of your nice ceramic bowl! Take the mixture off the heat and remove the saucepan from the hob. You can now pour the water down the sink as you won’t need it any more!

Step Seven.
Add a generous portion of Rice Krispies (but not too much! I started with two handfuls and added from there bit by bit) to the large mixing bowl, and pour the now melted chocolate mixture on top and begin to stir. Your aim is to make sure the Rice Krispies are completely coated in the chocolate mixture, but not so much as they are completely unrecognisable as breakfast cereal!

Step Eight.
After your mixture is made, add heaped tablespoons spoons of the krispie gloop to your individual paper cake trays!

Step Nine.
Put these in the freezer for twenty minutes, or in the fridge for an hour.

Step Ten.
Enjoy the best tasting Rice Krispie cakes you will ever have the pleasure of eating. If it takes your fancy, smash a Lindt bunny and scatter the pieces on top of the cakes before eating.

That’s it! I hope someone makes them, because as I’ve mentioned, they are the best Rice Krispie cakes I’ve ever tasted. They’re creamy, gooey, and nougatty all in one! You can even add marshmallows to the melting process to make them EXTRA GOOEY. Fantastic.

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Exhaustion Breeds Laziness

Yeah, so I’m exhausted today. That means you guys get a crap entry, and I feel bad for neglecting this until half eleven at night. In all honesty, I’ve been up from half seven, and then immediately after coming home my advertising pal bowled into the flat to eat pizza, watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and talk about our new idea of hitting up A-Brief-A-Week. Maybe one day I’ll make something of this quality. Brilliant.

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Where Are Your Manners?

Please excuse me if this post isn’t as coherent as usual, it’s just that I’m really not feeling too good at the moment. It’s a real shame because I’m off on my way to the merry capital tomorrow to see my brother and his new wife. I’m more than likely feeling like a bag of arse holes because of the many viruses being passed around at work. I do wish sick people would refrain from coming into work, as it just spreads the illness throughout the entire bloody workforce. Go home. No one wants your diseases. No body wants your shitty cough, sore throat, temperature and generally feeling of lethargy.

And another thing, cover your mouth when you cough. You’re not a fucking child. And catch your sneezes in a tissue, not just let them go on their merry way into public domain. Wash your hands when you’ve wiped your nose on them as well. GAAhhh, Seriously. Where are peoples manners? What the hell has happened over the past twenty years for me to be considered strange for holding the door open for people, saying please and thank you, and generally being a well mannered person. When did it become cool to be rude? Why did the ‘bad’ kids at school think they were the shit for not saying please and thank you. How have we stooped so low?

Manners are an important part of society. I’d much rather deal with a polite person, than an absolute prick, and I assume that would go for everyone else too. I just don’t understand how someone can convince themselves, that being rude is a good idea. Being a loud, rude, idiot is definitely going to get you what you want. Quickly too I bet! I hope I’m not the only person who feels like this.

I want to know other people have that awkward stance when they hold the door open for someone who is just that little bit too far away. I want to know that other people say ‘bless you’ to complete strangers on the bus when they sneeze. I want to know that people constantly move out of the way for others who seem more in a rush than they do, and say thank you to any one that helps them, moves for them, and is generally nice to them. Why wouldn’t you? What does a person have to gain by not being polite, and by not upholding good manners?

Manners don’t cost a thing kids, so let’s not forget them.

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One A What Did You Say?

It’s 22.04 on New Years Day, and I have finally decided to take up something productive in the hope that I give my self a big enough kicking to.. well, be more productive in other aspects of my life. In my head, maintaining this blog of thoughts, moments, images, and other random bits of crap will keep me grounded, and make me remember what my aspirations actually were. I’m a sucker for saying I’ll do something, and then never finding the time, and generally not giving a flying toss after the idea has fluttered to the back of my mind. In fact, right this second I am physically forcing my self not to sack this shit off and play a game on steam, or doss around on /v/. You see, I think I have a problem.

Actually, I have many problems, and all of them are of the first world ilk. One overlying problem is the fact I have enough money saved up for six months of rent, and a job that won’t be able to cover my rent when this money runs out. I guess that means I have six months to change my life, or at least sniff the smallest morsel of success somewhere. Maybe a pat on the head, or at least a well done from someone I respect, otherwise it’s straight to the centre of hopes and dreams with a patchy as shit C.V, where I will most likely be told that I am suited for a job in retail, selling footwear. I don’t know, maybe I’ll win the fucking lottery without ever buying a ticket. That’s what happens right? Any way, I’ll be using this here blog as a method of self advertisement, self promotion, and as a place for all of the shit up in this brain of mine, to be literally vomited onto the screens of any one stupid enough to read it. Yes, that means you.

Fnar, I jest. I suppose the first thing I should do with a new blog is introduce myself, and that is what I am exactly not going to do. Why oh why would I use a perfect ‘oh shit I’ve forgotten my blog post, quick tell a story about myself’ moment? That’s right, I wouldn’t. I will however drop some truth bombs. A few nuggets of information. Droplets of thought membrane. Specks of unfaltering genius…. Some stuff you know/don’t know about me;

  • I’m 23
  • I graduated from Manchester School Of Art with a 2:1 in Design And Art Direction. This was back in July 2009, and I have so far done bugger all with my shiny piece of paper.
  • I am an avid video games fan, to the point of it taking it up at least 60% of each day I breathe.
  • Ever since I was young, I always knew I wanted to be an art director / copywriter for an advertising agency, with at least one advert my mum can show people on youtube. Well, apart from when I wanted to be a train driver. I fucking love steam trains.

And with that out of the way, I’ll now be spending some time sitting on a trade sever of TF2 trying to get hold of a Defiant Spartan, rather than starting any of the new games I’ve purchased in the steam sales. Apparently in my head, I can’t fathom starting something new, because ‘Oh god, think of all the work I’ll have to put in’ and ‘The gratification won’t be immediate, so what’s the point’… and you wondered why I’m starting this blog. Alas, I think if I were to describe my self in a word, it would be ‘apathetic’, and I hope 2011 will begin to change that. If not change, then at least end with me being employed and apathetic.

Hello, my name is Ciaran Watkins, and I am a perfect example of a child of the Internet Generation. Please help me.