The Advert Calendar Door Three – Who Kills Childrens Innocence Far And Wide? Mum Does!

Well, I’m already one behind. What a surprise! It’s okay though, as with every advent calendar, there will always be that day when you end up opening at least three doors in one go, because you’re so excited to look at some belting pictures.

Any way, enough of that, let’s get on with another advert. There’s not much of an introduction today, because the advert speaks for itself. I’ll give you a heads up though; I think it’s crap.

Oh look, it’s a school play. Someone pass me the sick bucket. Oh look, they’re singing, about their Mothers, I think I’m going to need a second bucket. An ‘urban’ music section as well? Jesus, why can’t I hold all of these buckets!? Wait, hang on, what the hell does a Spider have to do with Christmas? And a Viking Fairy? And bad rap music? I know I’m not exactly Mr.Christmas, but can we at least get a shepherd, or the three wise men, or at most a bloody reindeer?! It doesn’t have to be Jesus, ’cause you know, no one wants to get offended at CHRIST-MASS, but come on. A spider? Really? Did he fall off the tree?

Another thing. What ever happened to kids being shit at Christmas plays and talking one sy, la, bul, at, a, time, be, cause, they, are, on, ly, chil, dren, and, they, don’t, know, any, bett, er? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go? I was in a school play once. I played the ‘Artiban’, the fourth wise man. Yep, the fourth one. He was a bit of a tosser really, and couldn’t get any where on time. I think he ended up finally meeting Jesus at the crucifixion, a bit late if you ask me, but my point lies in the fact that when I took part in the play, I forgot my lines at least three times, and I’m pretty sure if I would have been a nervous child, I would have wet myself, vomited, or worse. There’s no way in buggery I could have break danced, or rapped, but maybe I’m just not as cool as children are these days.

My final point is one that seems to be in hot debate; These children in the advert must be about five / six years old, so it pains me to see them telling me that Father Christmas doesn’t exist, and that their mums buy all of their Christmas presents? Do you think they knew what they were saying, or was it just that their parents patted them on the back and told them it was all a big fat lie to get a big fat pay cheque. Talk about the destruction of innocence. Timmy the spider is already getting an Xbox with Kinect that he’s blatantly going to use as a murder-rape simulator, and Bobby’s gone and got a robot with swords for arms. Now you’re telling me that they also know that Father Christmas doesn’t exist? What next? Force feeding them rabbit and telling them that they’re ruining Easter? Kids already grow up to fast, so why not let them believe in a big fat guy in red gives them presents? Oh, because in the year 2011, that would make Father Christmas a paedo.

After last years outing starring Coleen Rooney, which I quite enjoyed, I really think Littlewoods as one of the ‘big’ Christmas stores, should have pulled something better out from beneath the tree. The only thing that’s different about it, is that they destroy the idea of jolly old Santa! That’s hardly in the Christmas spirit now is it?! The advert is unoriginal, executed poorly, and acted by a load of innocence-ruined children, and self aggrandising pricks in the audience. To all the people involved, I hope Father Christmas shits in your stockings. Happy fucking Holidays.

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2 thoughts on “The Advert Calendar Door Three – Who Kills Childrens Innocence Far And Wide? Mum Does!

  1. claire says:

    that little girl at the end makes me feel sick.

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