The Advert Calendar Door Two – Haunt This You Crazy Bint

As you may or may not know, I don’t like little girl ghosts. They terrify me, and quite rightly so! Who actually thinks “Yeah, getting haunted by an undead young girl whose hair needs a brush, and dress needs a bit of a wash is loads of fun”. No one. Well, I at least hope it’s a minority.

Sorry, I appear to be mid-digress, but there is a valid reason for me bringing up the God forsaken spawn of many a sleepless night, and that reason, funnily enough, is a Christmas advert. Sort of. They’ve added tinsel for the festive season. It counts.


I think what irks me most is the fact that I actually got scared. What starts off as a seemingly normal advert suddenly changes tune quite quickly! That first ghostly fade in at about six seconds scared the piss out of me the first time I saw it, but unfortunately, that was it. It’s a pity that after that first moment of shock, the continuing footage falls into the overly-generic, rather than the overly-frightening. If anything, it becomes a genre piece. A ‘how-to’ on little girl ghosts; the spooky reflection, the fumble with the keys, the sudden appearance, and the ‘spooky’ voice. I do come from a film background though, so it’s not really fair asking me to delve into the shock factor of the advert. Let’s go some where else for that.

Somewhere like, I don’t know, The Daily Mail website.

A creepy advert for mobile phone giant Phones4u is being investigated by advertising watchdogs after a flood of complaints.

The ad which features the ghost of a young girl haunting a woman in an underground car park has been branded too scary for children.

The Advertising Standards Authority last night confirmed it has received 341 complaints about the advert – the highest number this year.

Shit the bed! 341 complaints!? That’s like, 341,000,000 complaints! Is there really something that wrong with this advert? The showing time has to be past watershed, and if that’s the case, why is there such a problem with it? It’s obviously scary, hence the late airing time, so why are people getting into a flap about it? Do people really hate little girl ghosts that much? Let’s have a look;

One commented: ‘I have to change the channel every time this comes on. When my 5 year old brother saw this for the first time he got so scared he bashed his head and didn’t stop crying? all night.


Another added: ‘The first time i saw it on telly, it scared the living daylights outta me.

‘Seriously if they think that’s gonna attract customers then they got another thing coming lost another customer!’

I’ll field these one by one.
A) Why on earth is your five year old child watching TV past 9pm? Be a better parent.
B) Don’t be such a wetbag.
C) Yes, it scared me too.
D) Well, I don’t need a D, because my B was so great you bloody wetbag.

Basically I think the gist is, it scared people, so it must be evil;

Down With This Sort Of Thing.

There’s genuinely something wrong with people if they think that advert needs to be banned, but I suppose haters have always gotta hate, and the Daily Mail readers have certainly ‘gotta hate’ a lot.

All in all, it’s a good advert. It’s not great by any means, but it’s definitely not bad. It’s hardly festive, but it’s something different; a step in a new direction for a phone company! Well done Phones 4u! It takes a lot of faith to take such a risk like this in the peak trading season, and it’s something that needs to be applauded. Sure, it’s scary as shit the first time you see it, but you’ll be fine the second time. Well, maybe the fifth time.

In a season that will see tinsel, carols, party food and ‘buy buy buy’ messages falling out of every orifice, a good little scare never hurt anyone. Unless you’re a five year old, in which case, don’t headbutt something straight after you see it, as you might get into the newspaper. While it’s probably the least festive advert I’ll be looking at this December, I have a feeling it might be one of the stand out ads of my calendar. Variety is the spice of life, even if it’s making potential consumers piss their Christmas coloured onesies.

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