When Advertising Goes Wrong: Part Three

I’m tired. I’m very tired. Today was my first day back after a lovely trip to London with the girlfriend. I had no idea how tiring doing absolutely nothing all day could actually be. God bless the January retail slump. Any way, after telling the work force I am now a better man for eating scones in London, and walking down some sleazy Soho alleys, I was being questioned on what my blog is about. “Surely it can’t all be advertising”, “Won’t you get really bored after a week”, “I didn’t know you could actually write coherent sentences Ciaran”. Well, the answers to all of those questions is yes. I must admit to being a little bored of the blog today, and I really had to fight the urge not to write about music or video gamess. I can also done write a sentence of English good. I’ll chalk all of that up to being full and tired, and knuckle down to business. Serious business. Cereal business.

Cereal for me is a big thing. It’s not just a breakfast food. It’s a snack. Yes I eat it dry, and I can do so at any time of the day or night. I loved the Cheerios ad where a Dad turns on the kitchen light to see his (totally pissed) eldest son completely rinsing them straight from the box. It’s something I know I’ve done, and I’m pretty sure it’s something my brother’s done too. Cereal advertising, however, means absolutely nothing. Sure, I’ll ogle the lass from the Special K adverts every now and again, but apart from that I really couldn’t care less. I eat cereals that taste nice, and not cereals thrust at me with a flashy advert. If only everything else worked like that.

The advert in question, however, managed to get into my head, and was the first thing I actually re-advertised in week 1 of University with my ex-partner-in-crime Thomas Waters. It’s probably how I got into advertising properly. Thanks Kelloggs, you may have helped me, but you sure pissed off a whole lot of people in the process. I’m sure you’ll remember the song. All together now!

Seriously. Kelloggs. Are you trying to make me commit suicide? What the fuck was that?! I’m going to break this down into a couple of reasons on why it was one of the worst ads of the 21st Century so far;

1. Why would you cast the most annoying child in the world as your main character. Those hand gestures as he rising into the sky at the end? Seriously kid. I want to punch you.

2. Who the fuck wrote those lyrics? ‘Right guys. Get me a rhyming dictionary. I’ve got a brilliant idea. I need to know every word that rhymes with great‘. How about irate, which is what most of your viewers were. (Shut up. It’s hard to think of words that rhyme). I still can’t get over how awful they actually are. Take a look for yourself;

They’re gonna taste great!
They’re gonna taste great!
I can hear the sound of Frosties hitting me plate!
They’re gonna taste great!
With Tony our mate!
Well everybody knows Frosties taste great!
Even ladies who wait!
Or a pi-rate!
And your teenage brother who’s out on a date!
If you live in Oz, mate,
Or the Empire State!
Even ladies with personalized number plates!
Or a bloke in a crate,
Well he knows they taste great!
They’re gonna taste great!
They’re gonna taste great!
They’re gonna taste greaaaaaaaat!
They’re gonna taste great!

Who the fuck eats cereal off of a plate? A PLATE!? Also, why the hell is a man eating cereal in a crate? Why is someone eating Frosties on a date? What is going on?! As a matter of fact, is Tony really your mate? Or is he more likely, a hallucination brought on by a higher than usual sugar intake. Let me tell you, they’re fucking covered with the stuff. One bowl is about ten thousand times your normal recommended intake of sugar. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves.

I really can’t get over just how bad the advert is. It’s not entertaining that’s for sure. Maybe it was if you punched the television every time it aired, but then you’d probably have a sore hand, and some sort of criminal record. That poor child. He probably thought this was his big break. He probably thought he’d be in Hollywood rubbing shoulders with Demi Moore and that one out of Napolean Dynamite. It’s a pity really. There were a few rumours going around at the time of this advert release. One was that the child involved got bullied so much that he committed suicide. That’s not cool at all. Another was that he was bullied so much he had to change schools. Better. My favourite was that he was an olympic gymnast in training, using the money to fund his career, but everything went tits up and he had to leave the country. Brilliant right? That’s what you get for being a self assured ponce. Ah who am I kidding? it wasn’t his fault. It was the creative’s fault. It was the agency’s fault. It was the client’s fault.

Well, time for a name and shame. Thanks Leo Burnett. Yeah, yeah, all publicity is good publicity. I know that, but really, did you have to go this far? Why didn’t you just have Tony The Tiger run a marathon or something. He’s still current right? The kids love an old tiger who forces them to eat sugar. I know I did. Anyway, this probably didn’t make much sense, and is definitely a rambling entry into the blogosphere. I’ll start a fresh tomorrow, I promise. Probably with an advert I like, or maybe even some of my ideas. I’ll see if I can fish the stuff out Thomas and me did for Frosties!

Any way, for the last time, everyone after me! They’re really not going to taste that great, mate, plate, fate, hate, nate, irrate, gate, shamte… yate..um… cremate. Ah, sod it.

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5 thoughts on “When Advertising Goes Wrong: Part Three

  1. pete485 says:

    It’s also, as if the whole thing wasn’t ball-rattlingly disgusting in the first place, a shameless rip off of ‘I Wanna Be Straight’ by Ian Dury and the Blockheads.

    The absolute nadir of badvertising.

  2. […] my ‘When Advertising Goes Wrong’ posts. So far I’ve touched on Andrex, Kleenex, Frosties, GoCompare, and finally the new Dead Space 2 campaign. Ten years ago you wouldn’t have been […]

  3. […] my ‘When Advertising Goes Wrong’ posts. So far I’ve touched on Andrex, Kleenex, Frosties, GoCompare, and finally the new Dead Space 2 campaign. Ten years ago you wouldn’t have been […]

  4. […] From that point of view, the advert was an absolute travesty, but that’s not the entire story. You see, in the wide world of advertising, actually, in the wide world of everything, we all know that no publicity is bad publicity, and the same rings true for Groupon. While their Super Bowl ads may have flopped, their company is still being talked about by chumps like me. While their hits might not have increased ten fold, the name will be reaching newer customers, purely through the bad press they’ve received from the campaign. That will of course, lead to a larger amount of traffic hitting their website, and maybe in a few years when we can look back at the campaign, it might be hailed as one of the best ‘worst’ ads of all time. Sure, it’s a fuck up for the agency involved, and customers may be lost, but for Groupon, they’re probably relishing any line of press, any negative Twitter comment, and any poorly written Facebook status. Saying that, I don’t think Frosties increased their sales through that damn acrobatic singing twat. […]

  5. […] Sure, it’s a fuck up for the agency involved, and customers may be lost, but for Groupon, they’re probably relishing any line of press, any negative Twitter comment, and any poorly written Facebook status. Saying that, I don’t think Frosties increased their sales through that damn acrobatic singing twat. […]

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