Lunchtime Shmunchtime

This one has to be quick, but knowing my penchant for nothing under 500 words, I’m going to have a problem here. I’m already twenty minutes late for a night on the town, and I’m starting to wonder how long it will be before I run out of steam, and post boring entries of a picture and nothing else. Not today though, because I was positively excited to write something. Oozing with creativity one might say. I chose something that no one has ever done before ever ever ever… I done a review.

Today I went to Barburrito. A keen favourite of mine when working at The Trafford Centre. It’s a fast-food place where people can buy either burritos, nachos, tacos and other texie-mexie kind of food. It’s usually stunningly good, but today was different. I shall now re-write notes I took as I devoured what I thought would be another orgasmic food sensation all up in my mouth. Pro-tip; it wasn’t.

I ordered a chicken burrito, with mild beans, mild salsa, hot salsa, jalapeños, no cheese (apparently they had ‘run out’ which was bullshit, as I saw a lady wander through with a generous helping of cheese on her tacos) and the tiniest squirt of sour cream. To wash this down I grabbed a refillable diet coke, and a packet of nachos to dip with. What a lunch! WHAT a lunch! It certainly sounds it, but it bloody well wasn’t as the burrito was bland as hell. It tasted of nothing except raw tomato, followed by the kick of half a jar of curry powder.

This is what happens when you digress from the usual plan. I fear change, exactly for this reason. You see, I’m usually a shredded beef, spicy AND mild beans, mild salsa, hot salsa kind of guy, but today I made the mistake of hitting the chicken. Never again. Apart from it being super bland, and way too spicy, it lacked the dairy goodness that can only be provided by cheese. It adds a subtle flavour to the finished product, and was sorely missed. Although the chicken was rather succulent, it tasted of nothing. The burrito tasted of nothing. In fact, it didn’t taste of nothing; the mild salsa had nothing but tomato in it, and the mild beans were way too ‘saucy’. Let me tell you now, nobody in their right minds likes a wet burrito. Anyhow, I ended up picking bits of chicken out and eating them with the jalapeños, as I couldn’t stand another tasteless bite. So far so bad, and I’m sure it was D-Ream that told me stories of how things can only get better, right? Wrong.

The diet coke I usually drink so much of was of course, off. The soda was flat, and it was overly tarnished with syrup. I can’t drink any other drink as it has too much sugar in it, so I was not best pleased. Coupling this with the fact that the nachos I bought were absolutely covered in salt, it made for a grumpily noted lunch. It’s a shame really, and there’s only so much the Chipotle Tabasco sauce can save. I probably should have drank the bloody bottle and I would have felt much better afterwards. Satisfied with the smokey taste, rather than the wet, bland, lump I had paid £6 for.

All in all, an absolutely huge let from from some where that usually has my absolute vote of confidence. Thanks Barburrito, thanks for making me a bland, spicy, poorly wrapped, cheeseless mess. There has never been a time where I looked forward to the post-lunch cigarette more than the food it self, but there’s always a first time for everything. Not only did you ruin my lunch Barburrito, but you ruined my day. Maybe I should call you Badburrito. (I know, comedy fucking genius right there). It’s a pity it looked so good;

UNENJOYABLE / 10

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One thought on “Lunchtime Shmunchtime

  1. dstsimpson says:

    I am trying to last a week without before reviewing food. If I manage it then I’ll probably have to review food for an entire month just to make myself feel better.

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